Through the terrible night

Where do I begin? I haven't posted in over two months because I haven't felt the words. My heart, mind and body have been through hell and it is taking time to process everything.

But today? Today, I am thankful. I am alive. I have made it through the terrible night. And God has been faithful.

I have never been anything but honest with all of you throughout this journey and that isn't going to change anytime soon. But I can say wholeheartedly that today, I am full of awe and immense gratitude for my God, my HERO HUSBAND and my family and friends.

It has been a terrible, horrible, gut wrenching, heart breaking year and a half. But I'm still here.

One of these days I'll fill you in on the last two months but today I want to focus on the FUTURE. Because I have one.

My heart has started to stir within me again and I am filled with hope for what lies ahead. I have dreams and I want to start running after them.

As the new year dawned, I felt a little bogged down -- everyone was making goals and resolutions and I felt ... stuck. I knew the things I wanted to pursue but every time I would try to put that into some fancy goal framework, I felt defeated. So you know what I decided? No goals. By that I don't mean I am throwing in the towel. Instead I've decided to focus on a word.

LIFE.

That's it. I want to focus on living. Because I fought an incredible battle just to earn that ONE WORD. I am determined to not let that battle be for nought. I will live. Not just in the year 2020, but for the rest of my time.

I feel a sense of anticipation. I feel a renewal coming. Restoration of what was lost. Awake my soul. Live.

All my love,