Yesterday was my one year cancerversary (the day I was told I had cancer.) For such a monumental day, it came and went with very little fanfare. I think there was a part of me that was hoping that yesterday would be a turning point, that I would feel a renewed sense of purpose and hope. But I am still very much in a process and I need to continue to give myself grace for each moment.
So instead of sharing some big revelation or encouraging message in this post, I just need time to reflect.
My year with breast cancer, by the numbers:
5 mammograms
3 breast ultrasounds
2 biopsies
(countless) IVF shots
1 egg retrieval surgery
1 port placement surgery
1 genetic test
26 blood draws
1 shaved head
4 AC chemo over eight weeks
4 neulasta shots
2 taxol chemo
10 abraxane chemo over 10 weeks
1 lumpectomy
2 sentinel node removal/biopsies
1 port removal surgery
16 rounds whole breast radiation
4 rounds tumor targeted radiation
4 rounds Xeloda oral chemo over 8 weeks (12 more rounds to go)
2 iron infusions (2 more to go)
When I was thinking about this day and the significance it held, two things happened. First, I was overwhelmed with gratitude to still be alive. But then I started to feel a little bit out of body ... Who was that women that went through all of those procedures and treatments? I do not say this to pat myself on the back but I am amazed at what I've been through. I'm trying so hard not to cry right now so I can finish writing this!
I think I've said this before but if anyone was to tell me at the beginning of last summer that I would be diagnosed with breast cancer and go through all of this, I would have said: you're crazy, I can't do that and please God, no. And then I would have dissolved into a puddle of tears.
This journey has been and continues to be surprising, difficult, empowering, heartbreaking... It has been a series of the most unexpected events. But so many of you came alongside me and helped lift the burden and for that I will forever be grateful.
Thank you to all of you who have been a part of this with me.
To those of you who supported me emotionally, by writing, texting, calling and spending time with me.
To those of you who have supported us in the physical, by helping us financially, by making meals for my parents' household when they were taking care of me, and by gifting me with things to help me feel better, physically and emotionally.
Thank you to those who have supported us spiritually, by praying for us and encouraging us.
It's been quite the year and I am so grateful for all of your love and support. Here's to better and brighter days ahead!
All my love,
