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  • Writer's pictureStephanie

In the dark of the night//Stars

My mom asked me once if I ever wake up and forget I have cancer. I don't. It's my reality, in and out, day and night.

As the weeks have passed, there have been moments of great joy but in the still of the night, as darkness closes in, there's often a battle. My heart breaks in ways I never knew it could. I struggle. I feel hopeless. I cry.

This is my story and I know it isn't over. I have been given so many stars that have helped guide me through the darkness. And rather than give control over to the darkness, I want to focus on the light. With that in mind, I want to share with you some of the stars that have been lighting my way.

In no particular order and ranging greatly in seriousness, here you have my "light list":

  • My husband. I can't say enough about him. The day God created him, the world became a better place.

  • The show "Psych"

  • The sound of my nieces laughing

  • Getting letters in the mail

  • Being able to concentrate long enough to read a book

  • My parents. They have been with me every step of the way and they still love me! I was not an easy child (and I haven't been the easiest adult) but they've never given up on me.

  • My nephew smiling at me, his "Auntie Baldie", on FaceTime

  • Saltine cracker snack packs

  • Baths, complete with my bath pillow, caddy and bath salts

  • Tears; they are a gift that defies reason

  • The example of grace that is my Aunt

  • Fun socks

  • Memories that pop up on Facebook, especially those of my nieces

  • The overwhelming generosity I have experienced from all of you

  • My sisters. Life has a funny way of weaving threads together over time; I never would have imagined this journey but it has brought us closer than ever and I will forever be grateful for that.

  • Having my kindle back and getting kindle unlimited for 99 cents!

  • Messages from the parents and grandparents of students I have taught over the years

  • Sour candy

  • Texts from my Uncle, encouraging me daily

  • Having creative outlets

  • My owl blanket that keeps my head toasty and my arms free

  • Music that speaks to my soul

Updates & Prayer Requests:

  • Two more rounds of abraxane have been completed! I now have FIVE TREATMENTS left!

Abraxane 6
  • Pray for my appetite, acid reflux and the nausea that I have started to experience again.

  • Pray for my emotions. While the light at the end of the tunnel is in view, each day brings more exhaustion and with that comes some despair.

  • My eyelashes have all fallen out and my eyes do not like it. I have had swollen eyelids, pain and itchiness. Please pray this clears up. (BTW, in case you were wondering, it feels completely bizarre and uncomfortable having lashes try to grow back in)

Abraxane 7 -- Only 5 more left!
  • My next infusions are Monday, January 21st at 10:30 am and Monday, January 28th at 12:15 pm (I will meet with either my oncologist or Nurse Practitioner first)

  • I will be scheduling all of my imaging within the next month. This will show how my tumor has responded to the chemo and provide better direction for my surgeon.

  • Please continue to pray for our finances. If you would like to learn more, click here.

All my love,


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